sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
