literally had 100 drinks last night.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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