I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
