He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
