Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
