Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
