Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
