I hate your face
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
