Moan for me like Helen Keller
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I touched a dick in church today
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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