she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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