oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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