I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
