help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
