I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
