He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
