You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
