So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
