we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
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