i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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