do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
