You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You ruined the universe
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
