He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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