remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
