I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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