Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
