the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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