I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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