dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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