I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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