Cold hands, warm shart.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
