We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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