..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
