the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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