she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize