You made me cry and you don't even care
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
