wat bout pragnant strippers??
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
