that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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