guys are not supposed to queef...right?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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