Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
