What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
