I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
