We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
