were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
