At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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