and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
