I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
