We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
