it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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