you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
