You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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