I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
