Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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