As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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